More than 20 years ago, I visited an office at the Ogba, Ikeja area of Lagos and was going home. A bus I boarded at the Onipanu bus stop in the heart of Shomolu stopped for a man to alight at the first bus stop one encountered upon entering Folagoro Street from its intersection with Bajulaye Road. This man stepped down from the “danfo” but an argument ensued between him and the driver over his 5 naira change. The driver was adamant that he warned him to board with his change as he (the driver) had no change. As the rancorous exchange dragged on, the passengers were becoming impatient. At some point, a man seated at the back seat called the Just alighted man to come over. “Wa gba five naira,” (“Come and take 5 naira) he said. The man who had been arguing over his 5 naira looked at him with an embarrassed face, hesitated a little and simply walked away.
I alighted some metres away opposite a NITEL office. After having spent some minutes purchasing some edibles, I ran into the same man as he recounted to another youmg man the episode we all witnessed. “How would I have collected 5 naira from my fellow man? Am I that poor?” He said.
What an irony! If this man knew he was bigger than 5 naira, why did he have to delay all of us passengers for the same 5 naira? Couldn’t he have simply walked away when the driver complained he had no change, more so given that he was warned before hand not to board if he was to pay in a denomination that would require giving of change?
I believe our friend could do without the 5 naira he was arguing about but that he just had to engage in that stand-off with the driver simply to appease his ego. In other words, having to forfeit the 5 naira contributed much less to his aggressive behaviour than the impending “humiliation” of having to give in to the driver’s insistence. This truth became glaringly clear when a passenger offered him the very amount of money he was aggressively demanding only for him to turn down the offer – meaning the ego wouldn’t still stoop to accept the offer of the same amount from another person. Truth be told, if this young man desired that five naira as a matter of a real and inevitable need, he would have accepted the offer from his fellow passenger. On the contrary, he felt embarrassed by the offer.
Making demands out of ego as against real needs is something common among us. Ego is the greatest enemy of humility; that most sublime virtue that enables us to let go in the face of disagreements and stand-offs. Ego, many times, is the reason people refuse to forgive even when they know too well that the offender had acted innocently. Ego makes us to falsely believe that we are weak and deflated when we forgive and let go. But come to think of it; it is much harder to forgive than to seek revenge, and much more difficult to let others have their way than insist on having our own way. If that is so, then between a persons who forgives and the one who seeks revenge who is stronger? Similarly, between one who has enough humility to let go and one who insists on having their way who is possessed of greater inner strength?
Ego suppresses many virtues while humility nurtures many. When your ego rules you, you struggle to be virtuous, but when you rule your ego, you are a lot more virtuous.
This is my meditation this midweek.
Henry Chigozie Duru, PhD, teaches journalism and mass communication at Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, Nigeria.
I pray not to be ruled by Ego. But sometimes I feel that people take humility as a sign of weakness.
Very much captivating and an articulated way to drive this point ” When your ego rules you…” home.
I have learnt a lot from this, hoping to always remember not to let my ego rule me.
Thank you Dr. for the moral insight.
If you can subdue your ego, you will realize that life is not difficult.
Thanks for the words of wisdom.
Thank you so much sir for this wonderful inspiration,lt is only by the grace of God that one can achieve and conquer this Ego that is eating up in our society now.