The Gifters And The Cheering Crowd: Where Are The Givers?

There is a world of difference between GIVING and GIFTING. GIVING is real and practical but a GIFT is cosmetic and symbolic. This is why we GIVE food but GIFT flower, and when we GIFT (rather than give) food we try to add elegance and style by way of decorative coloured ingredients, exotic plates and cutlery, which all add nothing to the nourishing value of food.

The strange culture whereby we offer less to the poor and more to the rich who may not need it has its origin in our cherishing of GIFTING over GIVING. Attend a “big” man’s birthday or wedding, you will notice that more money and other valuables will be lavished on him, attend that of a common man the same guests who offered more to the “big” man will offer much less.

Who among us failed to observe this trend as it clearly unfolded at General Babangida’s book launch in Abuja last week? There, billionaires gathered to gift one of their own, splashing on him billions he certainly did not need, while everyone, including the poor that should be the deserving receivers of these sums of money, cheered on.

Yes, Babangida the receiver is not in want of money, yet an overdose of it was thrown at him because it was the gathering of gifters and an occasion of gifting. On the contrary, an occasion of giving and a gathering of givers would have remembered the needy. GIVING tries to address NEED but gifting attempts to impress. Thus, in GIVING we ask the question, “Is this man or woman in NEED of this food, this money etc.?” But in GIFTING we ask the question, “Is this food or money befitting of this man or this woman’s status as a rich person, a former head of state or a governor etc?” It is this mindset that drives a man to GIFT a young girl an expensive phone instead of GIVING her money for school fees which she actually needs. He wants to IMPRESS rather than HELP her.

In GIVING we think about reducing

one’s pain and making life better for them, but in GIFTING we pander to one’s sense of importance and vanity. Therefore, GIVING is an act of loving but GIFTING is an act of reverencing and which, if care is not taken, may get too far as to amount to sycophancy.

GIVING is human and practical but GIFTING is customary and symbolic. GIVING is compassionate but GIFTING is ritualistic as seen when we come to people’s burials and drop a piece of cloth because it is customary.

This is why GIVING is an everyday thing while GIFTING is sometimes seasonal – at birthdays, burials, wedding anniversaries, and during celebrations like Christmas and New Year. Babangida had to host a book launch to activate the tornado of GIFTING that we all saw.

I must add that while GIVING is always selfless, GIFTING is sometimes selfish. “I’m GIFTING you this thing because you did same to me during my wedding or because I expect you to do so to me during my own celebration” – the often unmentioned mindset of GIFTING. Didn’t one of the Babangida’s donors state unequivocally that the man had given a lot to him and others and that it was time for them to pay him back?

In our today’s society ruled by OPTICS – where we’re impressed more by what is beautiful and glamorous to the sight than what actually solves needs – we are more at risk of confusing GIFTING with GIVING. A lot of people who give cows at burials or pronounce huge amounts at public donations or “spray” huge amounts of cash at events are believing they are GIVING generously. They may be right or wrong but everyone needs to search their conscience to be sure he’s solving real needs of people and not merely impressing them.

The world will be a better place if we begin to emphasize GIVING over GIFTS. After the gathering of gifters in Abuja and after the crowd had cheered them, the question remains; where are the givers?

Let’s GIVE more.

This is my meditation this midweek.

Henry Chigozie Duru, PhD, teaches journalism and mass communication at Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, Nigeria.